I hope you get a good laugh out of this post – and some hope for your own journey.
Today I found something I lost 6 years ago. I will show it to you at the end of this post and you will feel so much better. I am snickering at myself already.
When I was a new nurse, I was 42 years old. I had been out of work as a stay-at-home mom for 10 years; the only work I did was by-the-piece sewing gigs. I sold some of my own, but mostly just sewed for others. Needless to say, my resume was less than impressive, and I was blessed by God to land a job in a market saturated with new graduate nurses.
It was a nightshift ICU position in which I was astounded that this hospital would hire me. I mean, who would want a new grad with no real job for ten years and no prior medical experience.
I doubted everything. I was sure to lose the job. I had no references other than my teachers in school and my pastor. This one nurse I worked with hated me. The day shift nurses seemed to gleefully point out my mistakes from the night before. I would drive home each morning and go over everything in my mind from the night before and stress. But my biggest fear was the co-worker who seemed to hate me. I would get in knots thinking about working with her and started seeking out coping mechanisms to help me through my nights. Here are the top three (gosh I was such a noob):
Chamomile tea.
Probably the worst thing I could have used on a night shift where I needed to stay awake. I stocked the breakroom with a box and attempted to soothe my stress with sips of this sleep inducing tea. It didn’t work. Chamomile tea cannot change the people you work with.
Essential oils for stress.
Now, I actually believe in some of these oils for stress relief. I contacted a friend that sold Young Living and got this bottle. I practically bathed in it at work. Again, it did nothing to change my co-worker. In my situation, the Stress Relief blend did little other than distract me with a pretty scent. I wonder where that bottle went. I bet I associate it with new grad nostalgia now…
And now, the most ridiculous item I used to cope with my co-worker that hated me…oh boy was I really searching…
Are you ready, my peers with degrees in science? Let me preface this one – I was really stressed! My doctor prescribed Xanax but I didn’t want to take it and I was night shift anyways….
I found it in my closet today as I was clearing up some things.
Here it is…
BLACK TOURMALINE!
Apparently, in the world of crystals and such, black tourmaline absorbs negative energy and protects you. Me being a Christian – I felt very guilty over this purchase. I went to a local gem and mineral show and searched dozens of tables of items for sale by various sellers before I found this. I think it cost 15 dollars. Small price to pay to absorb my co-workers negative energy!
I carried this thing around in my pocket with my alcohol wipes and pens. I would reach in and rub it. I lost it not long after I purchased it and always chalked its disappearance up to God telling me that He is bigger than a lump of rock.
And He is. Eventually, the co-worker and I became close friends. I would spend my evenings trying to make her laugh and my attempts of humor broke the ice and we got closer. She shared her nursing experience with me and as I grew into friendship I grew into an experienced nurse.
And now I laugh at myself and the pitiful attempts I made to use external products to fix an internal conflict.
My poor little black stone. It is still pretty though. I will keep it as a memento of those early days, scared to be me, scared to be a nurse, scared to make a friend.
The Nurses' Lounge 